Wonder.

I still don't know what I'm doing.
It's like.. SHIT! I love this person
and he acts like he can live without me.
A ruse perhaps? Factual feelings portrayed?
Who knows.
Straight answers are few and far between.
But I still love him. I can say,
"FUCK THAT NIGGA!"
and blase' blah but I'll still run to him and
hold him close when he's near. Heart pumping
a mile a minute when I hear the bass of his
car approaching. Pulling myself together, hands
shaking.. wishing he'd hold on forever.
Tell me you love me!
Tell me you need me!
Tell me I'm all you'll ever want..
Even though..
You've said it before and didn't mean it.
Cheating not once but twice and saying,
"I'll never do it again" and "I'll never hurt you".
I still love you.
It's hard as hell to let go of someone that
you've loved for so long.
Any platonic relationship with males
have been sabotaged by my need for you
and you only.
But you don't get it.
It's like you secretly hate me.
You don't want me close.
You wanna argue and run out and leave
me crying and trying to hold back torrid
emotions so no one will know. You'd walk
away and never look back. Not giving a shit
if it killed me. Not caring if it made me wanna
just give up on life. Or at least, that's how you make
it seem. And yet.. I still love you.
Embarrassing myself and lying to myself.
Yes, he loves me.
Yes, he wants me.
But in all realities, I am not the one.
I can fake the facts and think you'll be the one
I end up with but I'm fooling no one but myself.
All I want.. is for someone to love ME, want ME, and
NEED ME. Nothing more and nothing less.