Can't Help But Wait.

Sitting here after working from 1-8:30

and I'm stressed the hell out.
It's not so much my job as it is
my life outside my job.

I mean.. yesterday [the 30th]
was pretty freaking awesome.
I bought my LX:
AND got this awesome camera:
from my buddy Dean.
I'm extremely tired but
I'm dealing with Mike's attitude
and trying not to stress about that.

In all honesty, my ass should probably
be sleeping my every time I lay down,
my mind starts racing and I have to get
up and walk around and think.

It's my blessing and curse.
I think to much.
I wonder what's going on.
What are the circumstances to
ignoring someone you love "so much"
for 10+ hours at a time.

"You don't seem to understand that I work."
Whoa, buddy.
I work too.
Even when I'm at work, I make
it a point to respond within a
reasonable time frame.
Why?
So no questions form.

But when the table is turned,
it's another story.
It's always the case
and I can't help but wait
for the day that things change.
-Good Morning, Reader.

TRU.

Woo...
So for the past three weeks, I've been working
at Toys R Us.. hold your applause.
It's pretty cool and there are a lot
of great people to work along side with and
I'm having a blast.

I'm relaxing into the trend of my life
and just being at ease and I guess it's
working in a sense.

I'm just lonely.
Like.. I need someone to hug
and to just show up with a smile
and say, "Hey, I missed you, Kimi".
I know I'll get that back eventually
but right now.. I miss that so
much that it's just crazy.

I'm definitely jealous of people
that have that and flaunt it.
I can't really do anything about
it since my being alone was my own
choice but I can work on it after
getting myself together.

Good news though.. since I'm getting
some more money, I'm going to start
my Bachelor's program.. online to start
and then I'll go to a campus after
my credits become transferable.

What the Fuck?!

So my life really sucks.
I'm laying on my bed playing with
Robert and he tries to dive off
to get a Backyardigan toy off
the floor. I get up to pick it up
and turn around only to see
that my "little angel" threw my
damn Sidekick off the bed
inadvertently breaking my recently
repaired LCD.
MOTHERFUCK ON A STICK!!!

Now.. no one on Craigslist has an
ad up fixing sidekicks and since my
mom didn't pay the other bill, I'm
totally shit out of luck with no phone
until one of the two problems are solved.
This really bites the big one.

But wait... once again.. Mr. B wants
to act all... eh towards me only to
get on my nerves some more and
frustrate the shit out of me when I
have some other major problems.
Just ppppppperrrfect.

106 & Park- Jay-Z Concert.

Jay-Z Live..
Aww man, one of the best concerts ever.
Sure.. it took a while for shit to get in order
but like, oh em gee, greatest live show in a minute.
We had a blast but like, once again, got stiffed
on the freebies or even a poster to remember the day.
But hey, it is what it is.. I will be DOWNLOADING
this CD for free since Jigga was too cheap to give it out.
It was fun, but he's cheap. Lmao.
Great day all in all.

Guys.

Guys know too much.
No.. seriously.. they do.
I as on the phone coming home from work
and casually mentioned to my friend
Henri that I had a headache.
First thing he says is..
"That time of the month, huh?"
Like.. seriously dude... TMI!!!!

I never even told my boyfriend of
two years when it was my time of the month.
Guys are like.. studying the anatomy of
women to the T and I hate that.

That's none of your damn business, dude.
Seriously.
Anyway, I got a job at Toys R Us.
It's pretty cool.
Robert's gonna love this 10% discount.

Holler when you're out in Green Acres.

Birthdays Suck.

October 23rd, 2007.
My 19th birthday.

This day was... a fiasco.
Started off ok.. called
a few people and asked them
if they wanted to go to Time Square
for lunch at Olive Garden.
Of ten people I called, one said definitely.
Getting my stuff together to leave and
my dad calls as though it's just another day
and totally FORGETS the fact that
it's my birthday until I tell him.
Great start, huh?

On my way to the train station
and I get a call from this guy saying
he's from Edible Arrangements and
he's outside my door trying to deliver one.
Who sent this? Dean...
Awww.

Unfortunately, I didn't get
to see it until later.
ANYWAY..
Get on the train with Robert and
take it to Penn Station and walk
to Olive Garden.. all but one
canceled and her name is Candice.
We sat and ate and talked and laughed.

All of a sudden I get a text from Dean himself
talking about if we're gonna go see 30 Days of Night
I'm like, yeah.. but we have to take Robert.

Somewhere in there was a second
meaning because Dean told his mother we
WEREN'T doing anything and gave her the car
which in turn stranded him in Old Westbury
for the rest of the damn day.

Great birthday.

Out of everyone that said they got me something..
I got one gift on my birthday.
Nice.
But that's not the worst of it.
Coming back from dropping Candice off
at the LIRR and my mom's driving and the
road is clear. I say, "See, it's times like this that
you should let me get some practice in."
She pulls over and tells me to drive.

I'm hesitant because my turning skills are kinda off.
Ok, starts off fine until I have to make a left turn and
I'm doing fine but I guess she thinks I'm
gonna like lose control because she grabs the wheel
after releasing it and I'm trying to control it
and in the end, the car hits the curb and skids
so the right front tire pops and apparently.. the
axle of the car is bent or it may just be the ball bearing.
I don't fucking know... It's just... upsetting
that a day I was SOOOO looking forward to
turned to this.

I woke up this morning wishing that
I'd dreamed all of that and suffice to say..
I didn't. So all in all, my birthday... sucked.

.......

I have tried and tried again.
But now this is the end.
Tell me, what's the use of holding on...
If we can't be friends.

Life really is a bitch.
What did I do differently from
anyone else?
I'm forced to deal with matters
that make me depressed all the time
and it really freaking sucks.

When I look around, people are
happy and being spontaneous and
enjoying life and it's like, why
can't I have ANYTHING?
Am I that bad of a person?
Do I push everyone away unintentionally?
Probable answer: Maybe.

Return.

No blogs in like.. forever.
Sorry about that, people.

Life's just been.. sucking for me.
Had to go to court.. case was dismissed.
Been planning this trip to Six Flags for Fright Fest..
Been hanging out with a midget.

All in all.. I'm stressed.
On the other hand.. My celibacy
has been going great.
WOO-HOO!
Lol.

Fright Fest is gonna be bananas but
people need to start paying up or I'm just
gonna be like.. fuck it.. people
who I actually like, let's grab
a mini-van and go.
Because like.. people don't
understand. I'm paying 200 bucks for
this damn van and right now..
I'm paying 425 for everything EXCLUDING
the refreshments I'm gonna get
and gas expenses.

This trip better be a HELL of a lot of fun.

RadioShack Employee.

Once again.. I am employed by RadioShack.
Since I'm broke and without a benefactor,
I've gone out and gotten a J-O-B.
Something some of you need to learn about.

If you're reading this and you don't have a job..
There's a job fair at the Jacob Javits Convention
Center on Monday, Sep. 24th, 2007.
BE there and get a JOB!

Anywho.. I'm employed pending
a background check and an employee
restart inquiry since I worked for them
for about two weeks in December.
Gotta make sure I wasn't fired for
stealing anything I guess.

In other news, thanks to Dean..
I have CSI: LV Season 1 on DVD!
CSI PARTY!
WHO HAS A BIG SCREEN?!
[Lmfao.]

Reed Dollaz.

Nobody likes you..
You make me wanna fight you.
You look like a fatass turkey.
I wanna slice you.
-Reed Dollaz.

Milkshake.

Haven't blogged in a few days
but I haven't really been home so don't
spazz on me, people.

Alrighty.
Let's start off with this morning.
I got up around 7:30 and made my mom some
breakfast and made Robert some too.
Fed him, hooked up my mom's
bluetooth and called my buddy Tiggz
so that we could hang out.

Tiggz is like.. extremely adorable.
Here's a pic so you can't say I'm lying:



Anyway.. Tiggz decides to take me out.
Cool with me, I've been with the fam
all week, time from something different.
We decided to go to the mall and get some stuff.
Cool beans right? I know.

We get there and I'm like.. not
feeling the whole scene.
I mean, don't get me wrong, love
ya to death, Teddy, but you're an ass.

We go into a few stores and neither
of us can find anything we like
so he said, let's go to a sneaker store.
Oh yeah, that's my kinda deal because
EVERYONE knows.. Kimi loves sneakers.

I immediately find something I like and ask
the salesperson to get my size so I can
check the fit or whatever and a groupie approaches.

This is where my day started going downhill.
Man.. I knew it was gonna happen because like..
Females see him and hear his voice and see
he's not a guy who's like.. not able to
afford what he wants and they go nuts.

So anyway, Teddy's like, kneeling on one
leg putting the sneaker on my foot
[sweet, I know. ^_^]
and like, this girl approaches and
starts chatting him up. Mind you..
I'm sitting right there with my foot in his hand
and she's just like.. blind to that.

"Oh, you're a handsome guy..
do you wanna hang out later?"
So I'm like, ok.. tell her to diddy bop [leave].
I didn't have to say anything because
like, he stood up, dusted himself off and helped
me up and totally blew her off.
[One point for Teddy.]

Alright, we both get sneakers and socks
and so on in that store and continue
on walking around the mall looking
for anything that catches our eye.

Nothing..
Ok.. Then Teddy says, let's get
some ice cream.. Cool beans.
I love ice cream so I head over
and order myself a vanilla fudge and
ask him what he wants but he's been
spotted by yet another fan.

"Yo, Tiggz! Since when do you shop here?!"
Mind you, not a weekend passes that
he's not in the mall for at least two hours.
Polite convo and two minutes pass between
them and I'm just like, whatever.. we're not
dating or anything so it's no big deal.

We go to Zales and get a ring for me and
something for his mom and have lunch
and I decide that my ice cream fix
earlier wasn't enough so I go get a
milkshake and sit back down
and we start talking about school
and jobs and just life in general..
Good times..

All of a sudden, this girl walks over
and is like, "Oh.. my.. God! Teddy, WHAT are
you doing here with Kimi?"
I look up because I'm like.. wait.. what's
wrong with me? I don't have SARS.
[Lmfao.]

She plops down between our bags and
starts talking to him like she didn't just disturb
our convo so I'm like..
"Excuse you, this is a private convo. Be gone."

She stands up and gives me an up
and down look as though I'm beneath her
so I stand up and we exchange words.

Before I know it, Teddy's standing between us,
the girl is dripping in vanilla milkshake,
and mall security is blowing a whistle
and waddling over to our table.

What got me pissed was that Teddy didn't
say ANYTHING throughout this
whole exchange.
I'm being dragged off to the security office
and this chick is being mopped up
by her little tittering group of friends.

In the end, I left Teddy in the mall,
hopped on the bus and went home.
I answered him on Y! but didn't
answer his calls. He can take the sneakers
and other shit back for all I care.

If someone isn't willing to stand up for
you.. screw them. He can keep his groupies.

You.

I'm crying.
No.. seriously..
Tears are streaming down my face while I type.

It's like.. Leave me alone.
I don't want to be bothered.
I don't care about YOUR fucking
problems when I have my own.
I don't care about YOUR trivial disputes.

I don't care.
Fuck YOU.
Fuck YOUR life.
I'm done caring.
When I don't give a fuck, I'm not
gonna spare YOUR feelings anymore.

And I say YOU because YOU are
reading this and I want YOU to
know I'm addressing YOU.

YOU'RE a pain in my ass and YOU know it.

YOU with your little e-relationships.

YOU with YOUR little fights with YOUR boyfriend
that run to me like I really fucking care.

YOU with no tact that can't seem
to just be honest and not bring up hurtful shit.

YOU with YOUR ugly fucking mug that I
wanna just punch in with a glass-ridden boxing glove.

I hate YOU especially.
YOU with YOUR small-mindedness
and YOUR idiotic mind-frame that pisses me off.

YOU.
YOU.
And YOU.
FUCK YOU!

AJ and I Job-hunting.

5:25 PM.
Just got home from the city.
Went job-hunting with AJ which
was like a hangout session since everywhere
we went, everyone told us either
they're not hiring or they have online applications.

It's whatever because like, AJ's my buddy.
I had fun hanging out with someone my own age.
We walked and talked and just had fun.
I needed that.
Thanks, A-Jizzle.

Ham Sandwiches and Fruit Punch.

Good morning, reader.
It is now 11:18 AM and my day
has been average so far.

I'm having a ham sammy with ketchup
and mustard with a glass of fruit punch for breakfast.
Definitely yummy.

So I had this obscure dream last night
and the first thing that popped into my
head when I woke up was "Blog It".
I guess that means I'm addicted. Lol.

But anyway.. my dream.
I'm walking down this alleyway and
I hear whispers but there's no one near me.
I turn around and start walking backwards
and in my wake, EVERYONE I've ever met appears.
And when I say everyone, I don't just mean
friends/ family members.

I mean EVERYONE..
From Papi at the bodega to the
little Tommy and Timmy's of the playground.
And they're all whispering.
All of a sudden, one person steps forward
and holds out his hand and says
"Let me help".

Maybe it's just a sign that I actually do have friends
that I can call on in my greatest hour of need.
If that's what it was.. I feel good.

Stalker.

This is bananas.
Thanks to my idiot cousin.. this guy is stalking me.
Imagine.. it's freaking 11:03 and he's ringing my bell.

I seriously wanna kill her for allowing him to
walk her to my house.
She knows that I hate the guy
and she still did it.

I told him a billion and one times..
dude.. I don't like you.. leave me alone.
His response, "I love you, Kimi".
That's the sign of a stalker.
Imagine.. I'll be walking out my house
and like all of a sudden, he turns the corner.
That's not coincidence.

He's not dangerous or anything [as of yet]
but it's just an annoyance to have to tell
him one more time that I really
have no interest whatsoever in him.
Blah.. I'll start keeping a log of when
he visits and file a report soon.

A mediocre attempt at poetry.

The last night spent in a hotel room just like the first,
Where the only fumblings are now our words,
Spilling out like blood stains on a carpet

Too many "last times" to know that this is the last,
Desires no longer satiated by brief encounters
Our promises lie discarded at each others feet

There are no more tears to forgo the inevitable
My lover's touch only hours old has cooled
And how different I look as morning approaches

Back arching and repelled by my own desire
I begin to line my morals like a firing squad
Knowing each accusation is a mortal wound

Bitter-sweet, I swallow this rejection you call love
Picking up my clothes, I dress my humiliation
With your apologies searing me like sunbeams

A willing accomplice now turned the hapless victim
I have turned my eager heart against you
Quickly forgetting the sighs of last night's passion

Sending you back to her the only way I know how
With the bullet of my memory in your brain
And the fading glow of my touch on your skin

-K.L.
06.19.2007 04:01 pm

Kimi Drives.

Today... was my first official driving class.
I did pretty freaking good.
I didn't crash. [Lol.]
I didn't brake falsely.
I didn't get yelled at.

My instructor made me very comfortable
by talking to me throughout the hour.
I should have my license VERY soon.

Now about my Lu-Lu.
Lu-Lu is the name of my Lumina.
She needs WORK.
I mean a total overhaul.

First of all.. the CD player that was in there...
has magically disappeared only
to be replaced by the stock radio system
that the car originally came with..
All I have is a cassette player and the radio.
Don't get me wrong, Lu-Lu's got some
serious bass to work with.. but she's
a work in progress.

I guess for now I'll get a cassette adapter
to plug my iPod into which is better than nothing
and I'll bump that until I can afford to upgrade her.

Another thing.. Lu-Lu's alarm.. is in a bag.
Lmfao.
Literally in a plastic bag sitting on my table.
So right now.. I'm just hoping on "luck" that
no one will notice and steal her.
Perhaps I'll get a "Sloman's Shield" sticker
and put on the window as a joke.

Her windows have no tint at all to them so
that's another thing that needs fixing.
Everything will get done in due course I guess.
I'll just have to do one thing at a time as the money
comes in for me to do what I wanna do to Lu-Lu.

Wow, Mike.. This Is More "You".

First and foremost.. Good morning reader.
It's 10:55 AM and my day has already been
overshadowed by the assumptions of my ex.

Let's get this straight once and for all.
This:
Is NOT Robert's father.
This Guy's name is Gary.
Gary USED to be a friend of mines but
due to unforeseen circumstances, Gary
and I have "split up" as far as any
communication goes.
We do not speak, text,
IM, or have ANYTHING to do with one another.

How dare you?
After hundreds of times of promises..
How dare you assume yet another
thing about my life?

Sending an e-mail saying
"Like father like son, huh. But ya'll don't get along.
Can't really tell that." And attaching photos
as though that's a big revelation is something that
was a new low for you.

Instead of simply ASKING me.. you lurked
in my blog and probably clicked my Myspace page
and being you, you saw pictures of Gary and Robert
and ASSUMED that Gary is Robert's father.

Let me tell you something. You will NEVER see
a picture of Robert and his father.
NEVER!
Why?
Because he is a deadbeat.
Do you realize that throughout my entire
pregnancy, I received a total of $40.00?
Did you know that the idiot was incarcerated for
the majority of the time?

Yes.. you did know.
And you STILL assumed that I'd
be blatant and put pictures up of him.
You're a character.

This is a new low and you know it..
which is why you signed off and didn't
respond to me.
Promises.. promises.
What are your words worth, Michael?

Likes and Dislikes [Updated Frequently].

Ok.. I think it's time I make this list.
The OFFICIAL Kimi's Likes and Dislikes List.
Let's start it off with...

LIKES:
Vanilla Fudge Ice Cream.
My iPod.
Material Things.
Movies.
Dates.
Long Walks.
Drives to Nowhere.
Honesty.
Meeting New People.
The Color Red.
Cars.
Flying.
Experiencing New Things.
Bananas.
Haiku Perfume From Avon.
Blogging [obviously].
Sleeping.
Harry Potter.
Eating.
Lupe Fiasco/ Travis McCoy.
Being Loved.
Being Dope.
AJ, Brandi, All Those Dope People.
[You know who you are.]
Rainy Days
Sneakers.
Reading.
Pineapple Soda.
Being Spoiled.
Being In Control.

DISLIKES:
Liars.
Chicken Noodle Soup in a Can.
ANY CANNED SOUP.. For that matter.
Hot Weather.
Users.
Enablers of Users.
Confusion.
Lack of Organization
Gangs.
People Named Juliana.
People Who Can't Decide if Their Name is Philip or Noah.
Barnegat, NJ.
Ghost Whisperer.
Fease.

Singing Off-Key.

Confession time..
Kimi CAN'T sing.
But I do it anyway.
Why?
Because I can.
I LOVE music..

I put my iPod on just to take out the garbage
or brush my teeth.
Why?
Because music is what defines me.
I listen to it all.
From Reba McIntyre country
to the crooners of yesteryear.
Don't judge.. just listen.

I made this Flash Music Player at MyFlashFetish.com.

Hustle Hard.

I had it too hard coming up.
From being "mom" at 9 to a sister
that curses at me now..
From not having any food and having to
"borrow" some veggies from the vegetable stand.
From having to wash my own clothes and teaching
an OLDER stepbrother his times tables so
he wouldn't get an ass whooping.

It was hard.
And I couldn't do anything but live that life.
Mom worked to keep us with lights.
Step-father squandered the earnings on bets
and beers and we still survived.

I guess that's where "Kimi The Hustler"
came into the picture.
Allow me to explain.
You see.. my mom used to make us snacks
for the school week and package it and seal
it in these little plastic baggies.

I think it was a Sunday and we'd cleaned up
the house and I'd ironed uniforms and shirts
for the week and I was sitting outside in the
gallery [what Americans call a porch]
and having one of the snacks and someone
asked me, "Kimi, where'd you get that?"
My response, "Mommy made it, wanna buy one?"
And that was that.. I sold the snacks and that was
our groceries for the week.

See.. it's always been... get money..
Always.. get money.
From hustling candy.. to CDs..
to t-shirts.. to airbrushed stuff..
to iPods and mobile phones..
My ambition is to never be broke.
I guess I failed at that since I'm broke right now..
But whatever.

When I got to the States in '98..
I was scared.
I mean, not like.. if I get lost, what to do scared.
I mean scared of other kids [You can laugh].
But it wasn't because I was a punk or anything..
It was more how they spoke.. accents were different.
Words I used drew laughs and odd cocked head stares.

I tried to fit in and be "Yankee-fied"[So not a word].
I started emulating the "popular kids"
and I was accepted into that social group
from a young age and I felt good.
I was finally accepted and if anyone said otherwise,
I was backed up.
Pretty dope.. I know.

But I'm odd.
I'm a person that'll rather read than
party and that's not the norm.
I was "too cool" to be a nerd.
[LOL!]
That was my dopeness showing.
Just like your epidermis is showing right now.

Make Believe.

Pretend.
That's the word of the day.
Pretend you had everything you ever wanted.
All the women/ men.
All the money.
All the dope whips and houses in
countries like Belize and Switzerland.

Would you be happy?
I mean.. of course you'd have all
the material things and people
falling all over you hoping for a piece
of the aesthetic pie but would you
really be happy?

Would anyone really be your friend?
Would they love you for you and not
for what you could do for them?
Would they treat you the same and place you
on a pedestal if you were nothing..
Living in the projects with mice and roaches
as pets.. With no hot water
or no elevator in a twenty-story building.
Would they still want you?
Would they take you for face-value?
No.
Simply put, no.

It's either you have something that someone
wants or you provide a service that
they need now or will need inevitably.

Your "good qualities" wouldn't matter.
You'd be on Cribs throwing dollars at the camera
with 400 close "friends" hooting and hollering
but at the end of the day.. do you love yourself?

Think about it.. could you love yourself
after making it out the hood and not helping
those that helped you?
I couldn't.. that's for damn sure.

Loud Music.

8:12 PM.

Listening to my own medley of songs that
I absolutely adore.
Right now.. Wifey by Next is playing.

I want a guy to do something like in the
movies when it comes to wooing me.
Pull up with your speakers pumping
a song that you know I love and have flowers.
Even a withered bunch of daisies.

Get out the car and just stand there and
see if I come outside or poke my head out
the window.
Don't have a care for my neighbors who
are probably yelling obscenities at you.

I want that even though it'll never happen.
Sheesh, I want a guy to sing to me.. even if he can't.
Do something for me and only me.

I want a promise ring.
A token of your love if you will.
Something that when I see.. I remember..
"He loves me for me."
I so want that and me not getting it
regardless of how much I THINK I deserve it
definitely sucks.

I used to do it like Fantasia and scribble
X's and O's in my notebook but I don't
do it anymore.

Sure, I want someone that touches me that
deeply that I do fiend for them when they're not
around. Of course I want that more than anything
and it's like.. I'm thinking I fucked up in a past
life or something since whenever I get that...
Those goosebumps when that one guy touches me..
The butterflies in my stomach when I know I'm gonna see him.
I want that again.
And I want it to last.
But it never does.

And You Thought I Was Done.

[Pic is a clickable link]

5:21 PM: Kimi enters the shower.
5:37 PM: Kimi exits the shower.

Sitting here wrapped in a towel wrapping
my brain around the lyrical masterpieces
that Lupe Fiasco has penned for ME...
YES, ME AND ME ONLY [Lol].

But seriously, dude is dope.
Assalamu Alaikum, Wasalu.

Quick Facts about Lupe:

• Real Name: Wasalu Muhammad Jaco
• Convert: No
• Sect: Sunni
• Born: February 16th, 1981 in Chicago, Illinois
• Career: Rapper- Soul, Real Life, Rebel Rap, & Unique

Make sure and buy his latest album:
The Cool.
In stores November 20th!

Bananas in my Applesauce.

I'm sick.
Not physically sick.
Just emotionally.
I hate...
EVERYTHING right now.

I wanna be happy and it's like...
Something is keeping me back.
Everywhere I turn to find my happiness,
it's either I get screwed over or I do it
to myself unintentionally.

This is my proposal for myself.
A year of celibacy.
Yeah, yeah.
There'll be naysayers that'll say,
"Kimi can't do that."
"Yeah right."
But I've done it before and I think it's
time for me to do it again since
when I do have relations, it complicates
my life even more than it already is.

Perhaps I'm just too..
I dunno what word to describe me.
Loving?
Unmotivated?
Careless..
Yes.. I'm too careless when it comes to my feelings.
I can know when I first meet someone if I like
them or not and it's that jump to a conclusion
that always bites me in the ass.

I've gotta get away from it all.
Maybe I'll call my uncle in Trinidad
and ask him to send me a ticket..
Perhaps I need the simple life instead of
this "big city, bright light" fantasy I've been having.

I just wanna be HAPPY.
And I'm guessing that's too much to ask.
I'm not gonna look for it anymore.
I'm just gonna let it find me since my
search always comes up empty.

Funny thing is, I thought I'd found him..
My "knight in shining armor"...
What female doesn't want that?
The one that was meant to be my knight..
I dunno.. It doesn't work.
No matter how hard I tried or he tried,
we just don't fit.

Maybe because we're both Scorpios.
It's said that two dominant beings can't
unite without bumping heads..
Ok.. I say that, didn't read it anywhere.
But it must be true though.

Apocalypto.

Mel Gibson is a genius.
Apocalypto is a SERIOUSLY DOPE movie.
If you haven't seen in, you need to ASAP.

I've seen it a total of about 10 times
and I love it more every time.
It's a great movie.
Two DOPE thumbs up.

David.

Me: Anyway... how are you?
David: why ask? It's not like you really care. In fact, until I pop on and make little comments you seem to have very little to say... you don't take our interaction seriously at all... so I'm gonna stop bothering you all the time... I apologize... I will leave you alone... and wish you well... I hope everything works out with your education and stuff... I pray you and Robert have love and joy in your lives always... you make sure to take care of yourself... you're a beautiful and intelligent woman who deserves all of life's very best... but it will only be yours if you get out there and take it like you mean it... for you.... and for Robert.... you both deserve it...
David: take care

So basically... I've been "dumped" once again.
I don't know what the hell it is I do.
It's like.. everyone thinks I don't care about them
when in reality, I do. Maybe it's just me.
Maybe the aura I give off is negative or something.
When I do care, people see it as me not caring..
So maybe.. I'll just not give a fuck about people anymore.
No harm, no foul I guess.
I can't be all melancholy when it's like,
"Kimi, do you really care?"
"Kimi, are you sure you want this?"
or
"Kimi, you're great but not what I want."
Whenever I'm upbeat and actually 100% positive about
something, I always get those questions and
it's like.. what the hell.. my actions don't
speak louder than my words or something.
It's just... bananas..
DEFINITELY NOT DOPE!

Driving.

So guess what...
My first OFFICIAL driving lesson is on Saturday.
This should be interesting.
It's about freaking time I learn though..
Mike was supposed to teach me but there
was an issue so that fell through.

But now... I own a car.
It's not a Range Rover..
But it has A/C and an iPod Dock
and only 23K miles which is really cool
for a free car.
I won't tell you the make and model.
You can guess if you don't already know.

I've officially got the title in my hand
as of Sunday, [09/09/2007].
All I need to do now is get the insurance
and a license of course and I'll be good to go.

Cassidy.

I could write the best verse you heard in ya life
then rip it up
ya greatest hits like mixtape shit to us
stay wit a spliff in the cup stay twistin' up
liquored up off the hawk I Henny and hip it up
an my wrist man i lit it up
my bezel got so many pebbles Bam-Bam couldn't lift it up
but try an stick me up blam blam stiffin' up
ain't no stitchin' up them holes
ya soul liftin' up
but I'm still pitchin' on the stove whippin' up
thinkin' bout them Franklins stinkin' the kitchen up
yup I be dealin' and fillin' them coke bags
but been ill with the pencil an notepad
I been hot from the start
and I ain't just a battle rapper
hotel on the top of the chart
I'm dealin' weight got real estate
an go shoppin' for art
God, I cock and spark..
-Barry "Cassidy" Reese


You can't tell me Cassidy isn't dope.
If you ever do, I'm never speaking to you again.
The only thing about him that I'm not feeling is
the fact that he titled his new album B.A.R.S..
It's like biting off of M.I.M.S. But otherwise..
Cassidy is the shit.
You can't touch him.
Reed Dollaz is hot as hell as far
as his lyrical game goes but
Cassidy Vs. Reed..
I know who'll win.
CASSIDY!

Call me a groupie.

Fease.

I know this is like totally fucking long but just read:

fease_yo: (GM) Kimi plz. i need you. :((
fease_yo: kimi forreal
fease_yo: :((
iGoogleYo: You're a character.
fease_yo: im not
fease_yo: im so serious
iGoogleYo: Serious about what?
fease_yo: about me wanting to be cool
fease_yo: forreal this time
fease_yo: i know i know what ive done
fease_yo: i never thought youd take it so serious
fease_yo: im just a big joke i know
fease_yo: but i mean youll been hella real to me
fease_yo: never faked or fronted
iGoogleYo: I'm not taking shit serious. I'm laughing at this shit.
fease_yo: and i should have been the same way to you
iGoogleYo: But you weren't and now you're saying you regret that [which I don't believe, just so you know]. Because if that was the case, you'd have gotten in contact with me when you were in NY "all the time".
fease_yo: OMG
fease_yo: i dont know you # by heart
fease_yo: i wasnt really on the net at the time
iGoogleYo: You don't know it period.
iGoogleYo: Mmk.
fease_yo: but i feel you all of that is true
fease_yo: i knew it before
iGoogleYo: Never used it.
fease_yo: yeah i know
fease_yo: but dont laugh at me because i love you
fease_yo: :((
iGoogleYo: Wow.
fease_yo: i do
fease_yo: :(
iGoogleYo: That's retarded.
iGoogleYo: You don't know me.
fease_yo: thats the whole point
fease_yo: i cant denied that way i feel
iGoogleYo: Wow.
fease_yo: :((
iGoogleYo: That's bananas.
fease_yo: i know
fease_yo: but if we never talk again i just want you to know that thats how i feel
iGoogleYo: No it isn't.
fease_yo: and thats all i have to say
fease_yo: :(
fease_yo: it IS
iGoogleYo: You're confused.
fease_yo: OMG
fease_yo: im not confused
iGoogleYo: yeah, you really are.
fease_yo: im old enough to know what im feeling kimi
fease_yo: but iight you dont have to believe me
fease_yo: just know what i knoow
iGoogleYo: That's wild.
fease_yo: yeah youll made that clear
iGoogleYo: Just saying.
fease_yo: i know
fease_yo: but yeah dont believe i still love you tho
fease_yo: Muah.
fease_yo: brandi is buggin
iGoogleYo: How so?
fease_yo: does she know im talking to you?
iGoogleYo: I had you in my stat 5 minutes ago so I guess so.
fease_yo: oh
fease_yo: anywho ima sleep on this
iGoogleYo: Alrighty.
iGoogleYo: Deuces.
fease_yo: and i know im gonna feel the same way tomorrow
iGoogleYo: I doubt it.
iGoogleYo: But ok.
fease_yo: I LOve You. Kimi. Just Kimi.
fease_yo: =((
fease_yo: :x
iGoogleYo: Good night, Fease.
fease_yo: forreal
fease_yo: ima show you
fease_yo: Good Night Kimi Babe
iGoogleYo: Dude... go to sleep.
fease_yo: lol
fease_yo: ima sex you up so u can change your tude missy
fease_yo: Muah again
fease_yo: my LOVE
fease_yo: :D
fease_yo: lol
iGoogleYo: Night.
fease_yo: im tired
iGoogleYo: So go to sleep.
fease_yo: but i dont wanna go right now
fease_yo: untill
fease_yo: you give me an e hug
fease_yo: plz
iGoogleYo: Go to sleep.
iGoogleYo: Night.
fease_yo: (GM) Kimi is my love :((. Brandi Hates Me :| i like you tho and dont be mad at me you wouldnt tell kimi for me so i had to tell her myself. and chas is my new bud. :) Night Nigs. all yall are cool even tho i dont talk to most of yall on my damn list. (/GM) Fease Out.

Alrighty then.
Time to explain Fease.
Let's get the basics squared away.
1. I have never MET this guy.
2. I have never spoken to him outside of Yahoo Messenger.
3. I stepped away from him and deleted him after he
attempted to "diss" me to this half deaf chick.

My thing is... WHAT THE FUCK?!
How the fuck can you love someone you've spoken
to less time than how many fingers you have?
I don't get it.
He must be high on something.
Like... seriously.
I haven't spoken to Fease in ages and now he
wants to confess "love".
What bullshit.
I'd be an ass an a half to believe that crap.

Where would he come up with this?
Maybe he's one of those submissive dudes
that likes being treated badly [not saying that I have
but I haven't been sweet and cuddly towards him].
I hate that.
He's acting like a groupie.

So all I can say is...
HUH?

Sitting here sipping on an ice cold Pepsi.
Listening to Travis' lyrical madness in
the song "Make Out Club".

So I reeeealllyyyy feel this song, son.
It's like.. me.
I know I'm a serial flirt but I try
to make sure that's as far as shit goes.
For the most part, it has worked out for me.

Yes, I definitely do make mistakes.
Sometimes, the same ones multiple times.
I try not to but I do and I acknowledge my faults.


They say I gotta change my evil ways
And I'm working hard at it every day but
No matter what I do
I seem to make the same mistakes that I'm trying not to
If love is just a game that people play
And practice make perfect is what they say but
No matter what I do
I seem to make the same mistakes that I'm trying not to
-Travis.

Is this a JOKE??????????????????

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1423/1373449632_d17112f266_o.gif

Click the link above.
That is Ken.
Ken is... special..
What the FUCK was on his mind when he made that?
SOMEONE!
ANYONE!
EXPLAIN to me what the hell that dude was thinking.

Candice and the Monster.

Ok.. Let me explain this pic.
It was taken on September 3rd, 2007
on Eastern Parkway at the Labor Day Parade.

There were three of these things walking about and
it was so funny because they were following people
around and touching them and like praising
the coffin they carried around.

Note the female in the backround.
Her name is Candice.
SHE IS DOPE!
Her face is so fucking hilarious to me.
It's like, "What the hell is that?!"

That is all.
LMFAO!
[Laughing my freaking ass off.]

Travis McCoy- Gym Class Heroes.

It's official.

I'm a Gym Class Heroes Groupie.

Ok.. I'm more of a Travis "Schleprok" McCoy groupie.

He's OFFICIALLY Dope.
Everything he says is bananas yet
it's definitely worth listening to.

Here's what I've gathered.:
Travis' birthday is August 5th, 1981
and he is from Geneva, New York.
He's 6'4.
His nickname is "Travie".
He is of mixed race descent, even though he
refers to himself as African American.
He made his MTV debut in the summer of 2002, as he appeared on
stage at the beach house on a standard nation-wide MC Battle that
was held on the MTV show Direct Effect.

Go to http://www.GymClassHeroes.com !!

Take A Deep Breath.

I've got a monster headache now.
I've taken two Tylenol and drank a bottle of water
in hopes that this migraine will subside.

I've been hypothesizing about what caused my headache.
It's either..
A. Thinking about Mike.
B. Boredom [Odd, I know.]
C. Hunger.


Reasons:
A. It might be Mike because Mike has been giving me headaches for
two years now. Not intentionally of course.
Just the things he says is like.. so confusing sometimes.
It's funny because he says the same thing about me.
Great minds? Perhaps.

B. I am extremely bored. It's Yom Kippur and Ramadan so
my sister had the day off from school. We've been sitting around
all day doing NOTHING and that sucks ginormous gonads.

C. I've been snacking all day and it hasn't helped my true hunger.
If anything, it's made it worse. Maybe I'll stop being lazy and just
go make something but I don't see that happening any time soon.
Sucks but ehh.. I am truly lazy.

Justin AKA Juni AKA Messiah AKA Crazy.

Messiah: i got alot going on now
Messiah: surgery coming up.
Messiah: school.
Messiah: work. ect ect
iGoogleYo: Good luck with that. I'm gonna step back until I'm "needed" because it's like you want a friend on demand and not someone that's always there. So I'll talk to you another day.
Messiah: i told you you can be here.
iGoogleYo: There's a difference in wanting someone to be close and just letting them in barely to stop them from bothering you.
iGoogleYo: But ugh, enjoy your week.
Messiah: smh

Ok..
Let me clear this up.
Justin.. wow.. We were really close.
I felt as though he was confiding information in me
and I saw him as a good friend and kept his secrets
and insecurities to myself once I felt that it wasn't something
dangerous to his overall being.

Justin and I hooked up.
It's not a secret..
And since then, we've been cool.
He called on me when he needed to talk
and I appreciated his trust in me deeply
but he's changed.

Since becoming a "entrepreneur",
Justin has distanced himself from me..
And I say just me because he's close to AJ now
and it was I that introduced them to one another.
It's funny how things worked out.

I tried to make Justin feel good when he was down
and I tried so hard to understand when he wasn't himself
and I also tried to be what he needed as far as a
sturdy relationship goes.
I can say without embarrassment that I did love Justin at one point.
I felt as though I knew him better than anyone else..
Turns out.. I was fooled.

He's a serial pimp.. all jokes aside.
EVERY female I've conversed with knows Justin, has been
"caked" by Justin, or has heard of his ways.
I don't understand him.
Maybe I never will.
Yes, I will always care about Justin.
As I do for all my friends, online and off.
He is an OK person, regardless of his lies
and deceit.
If he calls on me, I'm gonna be there regardless of what it is.
I'm a F.O.D.
[Friend on Demand.]

September 13th, 2007- R.I.P Tupac

Tupic died today.
Well.. not today but today years ago.
Sucks.
He was dope.

I'm so tired right now.
Not physically.. but mentally.
Everything is crashing down and I can't seem to get my footing.

I've come to the conclusion that I love too much.
I tend to care about people that I barely know and
it's really not getting me anywhere.

Kimi gets screwed over.
It's written in the stars.
Regardless of how hard I want something, I either fuck it up
or it just never works the way I want it to.

For instance.. Mike.

Mike was and still is on some level.. my EVERYTHING.
Regardless of who I'm with, I still love him.
It's a shame because I know that no matter what happens
in my life, I'll always end up back with Michael Burgess.

He is Dope.
He is Sweet.
He is Smart.
He is Handsome.

Many fit that description but I'm just playing games right now
by not being totally honest with him.
I just can't help it though. He hurt me so badly that it's like...
I dunno.. I unintentionally hurt him when I'm not trying to.

I dunno what to do anymore. I give up.
I'm done for the day.

Deuces.