Commit Me.*

No blogs for a minute..
Bombarded with IMs asking me to
update and yet.. I haven't been in the mood.
I feel like.. I'm failing.
And not in one particular aspect
of life itself.. the entire thing.
I shouldn't though.
I mean.. shit.. I'm not ugly.
I'm proportionate.
Big rear, small waist, average looks.
But I get played.
Like, seriously.
But it's funny because I'm asking
for that shit in a sense by dealing
with the same nigga who hurts me
over and over again REGARDLESS of
how much I wanna just move on and
be done with him.
But it's like this, I basically grew into
myself loving him and I find it deathly
hard finding someone to fill the
space that's left when he's not with me.
And it's a fucked up equation because
I KNOW he cheats, lies, says shit to hurt
me whether intentionally or not...
and I can't help but wanna be close to him.
But I'll rant and go on a tirade.
FUCK HIM!
LIAR!
CHEATER!
MANIPULATOR.
All titles befitting of Mike.
But he's still.. Mike.
He gets into your head and plops down
like an obnoxious relative over for a visit
that never wants to fucking leave.
I gotta live.
And it's like.. he's my ball and chain.
And anchor that keeps me from
being all that I can and being
TRULY, TRULY happy.
Don't misinterpret..
He's kept a smile on my face for a long time
But for as long as I've been smiling..
2/3rds of that time, tears have been
streaming down my face.
I just don't know.

Everyone else sees that I put him
above EVERYTHING else.. but he doesn't.