Why?*

Why do I do this to myself? I mean, shit.. it's easy as hell
for other people to just say, "Eh, fuck it, I'm done"
and I can't for whatever reason.

Sometimes I want to. I mean, I really do. I wanna just say, "Screw you!
I'm not dealing with this!" But I can't. I'm not... I dunno.. strong
enough to do it I guess. No one else has had the same
effect on me so far and I doubt anyone else will so I'm just..
Stuck..
Stuck wondering is this where I wanna be?
Is there where my hard life inevitably grounded me?
Is this where I'm gonna stay fighting to prove myself?
I hope not. I hope I.. no WE can change and be happy
without any doubts or accusatory statements that muddy
up what would be PERFECT under any other circumstance.

Why me? Why can't I let go or at least be free of drama?
Shit, even my no-good son's father is engaged.. allbeit to an
ugly broad.. but he's still engaged.. Inked her name on his
hand and all that and I'm.. pause.. WE are nowhere near that.

I never forgave the 80/20 betrayal and perhaps that's what's holding
me...US back from being "perfect" for one another.
There's ALWAYS someone saying, "Walk away, Kimi"...
But I honestly can't do it as easily as anyone else can.
Why can't we just grow up?!




[Yes, I took this.]