Bananas in my Applesauce.

I'm sick.
Not physically sick.
Just emotionally.
I hate...
EVERYTHING right now.

I wanna be happy and it's like...
Something is keeping me back.
Everywhere I turn to find my happiness,
it's either I get screwed over or I do it
to myself unintentionally.

This is my proposal for myself.
A year of celibacy.
Yeah, yeah.
There'll be naysayers that'll say,
"Kimi can't do that."
"Yeah right."
But I've done it before and I think it's
time for me to do it again since
when I do have relations, it complicates
my life even more than it already is.

Perhaps I'm just too..
I dunno what word to describe me.
Loving?
Unmotivated?
Careless..
Yes.. I'm too careless when it comes to my feelings.
I can know when I first meet someone if I like
them or not and it's that jump to a conclusion
that always bites me in the ass.

I've gotta get away from it all.
Maybe I'll call my uncle in Trinidad
and ask him to send me a ticket..
Perhaps I need the simple life instead of
this "big city, bright light" fantasy I've been having.

I just wanna be HAPPY.
And I'm guessing that's too much to ask.
I'm not gonna look for it anymore.
I'm just gonna let it find me since my
search always comes up empty.

Funny thing is, I thought I'd found him..
My "knight in shining armor"...
What female doesn't want that?
The one that was meant to be my knight..
I dunno.. It doesn't work.
No matter how hard I tried or he tried,
we just don't fit.

Maybe because we're both Scorpios.
It's said that two dominant beings can't
unite without bumping heads..
Ok.. I say that, didn't read it anywhere.
But it must be true though.